Last weekend I attended a Wellness Women Festival to run a few workshops. It’s been years since I did anything like this. My knees were shaking! They gave me a tremendous welcome. I was overwhelmed by their generosity of spirit.
It was a ladies only event and free to attend. A Pilot for a potential annual gathering. I felt so privileged to have been invited.
My workshop was attended by about 15 people, mostly already involved in services to support other women, so experts in abuse and substance misuse and addiction recovery. A bit daunting! All that knowledge in one place. They were super friendly!
My idea was to tell them about my plans for writing six lesson plans for Year 9 and 10 students and have them delivered in schools. Then ask them for feedback.
I started by reading from Story Number 5 in my book “Be Kind. No Excuses”. I couldn’t finish it. The tears started to prick the back of my eyes. I knew that if I kept going, they’d spill out and I’d start to cry and probably not be able to stop! Even after reading this story, what must be 30 times throughout creating this book, it still shocks me to the core!
The story is about a teenager who was viciously assaulted by her ex-boyfriend. He turned up at her house and beat her so badly, she has spent the last 30 years in a wheelchair. He stood on her neck for so long that she had a stroke. She is profoundly physically disabled.
Last Friday, I met the Lady behind story No5! Wow! What an amazing woman. Her restrictions are huge. She needs constant care. But goodness me, her spirit is not diminished. She’s so excited to be part of the book. She wants to go into schools to talk to teenagers and tell her story.
As with all the stories in the book, her abuser showed controlling and coercive traits long before he became violent. She was 16 when they met. He didn’t like her seeing her school friends or going anywhere without him. Quite quickly, she became too afraid of him to end the relationship. Eventually, aged 19 and with a baby, she plucked up the courage to end it.
Relationships don’t become abusive. People get involved with someone who already has the potential to abuse, and that abuser then grooms and starts off with what I describe as “under the radar” abusive behaviours. For example, being overly attentive, which is known as Love Bombing. Turning up unannounced and disguising it as caring. Isolating their victim from friends and family by saying, “Why do you need them when you have me?”
“Be Kind. no Excuses” is a guide for teenagers and their parents to help them recognise the red-flag behaviours that can lead to more serious outcomes.
Do you recognise any of the behaviours described?
Love and Light.
Rie x