Something that is topical is (topical is such a positive word to use for such a negative subject!) Parental Alienation.
This is a definition I’ve found online:
“Parental alienation is a strategy whereby one parent intentionally displays to the child unjustified negativity aimed at the other parent. The purpose of this strategy is to damage the child’s relationship with the other parent and to turn the child’s emotions against that other parent.”
The Cafcass website says there is no definition but this is the link to their site if you’d like to take a look https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/divorce-and-separation/what-to-expect-from-cafcass/alienating-behaviours/
I can only speak about the experiences I have encountered that have come to me recently from individuals.
You’ll have heard me talk about how the Systems put in place to protect the vulnerable are used by perpetrators of abuse to further abuse, simply because they can. Having an adversarial court system must be irresistible for an abuser, who will frequently love a stage to project that it is, in fact, they who are the victim.
Of course, I’m talking about this in relation to BKNE and red flag behaviours. And with that in mind, we need to ensure that new relationships are considered carefully.
I recently delivered training to a community college for children and young adults aged between 15 and 21, who are mothers. In over half of the cases, their relationship with the father of the child had ended and in many of those cases, there was conflict, and there had been abuse.
Too many times I am hearing the abusive ex is citing “parental alienation” based on the allegation of domestic abuse coming from the mother. And the Systems are hearing the allegations and telling the non-abusive parent to “Prove it”.
How can a non-abusive parent prove abuse when the police can’t? This goes back to the conversation about believing the victim. It seems that those in authority don’t believe the victim and are giving abusive parents access to their children, and this is damaging the children.
The above definition says “unjustified negativity”. In my opinion creating a safe environment for children is imperative! Once again, the pressure is on the safe parent to do it all, be it all, carry it all, with no protection from the very organisations created to protect.
So, on one corner we have non-abusive parents accused of parental alienation, and in the other corner, we have non-abusive parents accused of not protecting their children from the abusive parent. A Lose/Lose for the non-abusive parent. What the hell are we supposed to do?
We have the Criminal Courts imposing bail conditions for abusers to have zero contact with their victims and the Family Courts issuing directions for the exact same people to meet and facilitate child contact. This is nonsense!
Call to Action: does anyone know anyone who works for Cafcass who would be prepared to talk to me? My email is bekind.noexcuses@gmail.com