I was going to have a bit of a rant about murder, but I’ve decided against it. I want to rant about the number incidents of murder, attempted murder and murder/suicide that have been in the press lately.
I want to rant about how some men seem to have an attitude of privilege so large, they will stop at nothing to get their own way.
But these stories are heart breaking, and my writing won’t give anyone justice. Instead, I’m going to write about attitude.
There are a few definitions of Attitude, but this one really resonates in relation to intimate partner abuse:
a cool, cocky, defiant, or arrogant manner
(https://www.merriam-webster.com)
And while that wasn’t the first thing I thought of, it certainly fits in in relation to this subject.
What we see in some men is a belief in their entitlement so evolved, they seem to have only one mindset: They are in charge and they will be obeyed.
Looking at various stories and research, can you guess what is the biggest risk factor when analysing these types of crime? Is it substance abuse? Is it financial hardship? Is it losing a job? Is it having access to a weapon?
It’s none of those things.
The biggest risk factor is……..drum roll……. a history of domestic abuse. Well I never! We can safely say that murder/suicide cases do not come out of the blue. The media uses words such as “senseless violence”, “unexplained”, and, my least favourite, “Family man …..out of character”. Such wording is utter bilge of course. Murders and attempted murders within the context of an abusive relationship are almost predictable!
Is entitlement the opposite of empathy? We see so many relationships where the abusive partner gives no thought to the feelings of their victim, and sometimes delights in their pain. How to we address the issue of entitlement? Where does it come from?
We know that a narcissistic personality has entitlement and no empathy. But not all abusers are narcissists. What gives them this sense that they must be obeyed? I don’t know the answer, but I’m guessing it starts in childhood.
