Apart from the obvious – physical violence causing injuries, have you considered the emotional damage caused by living constantly in a state of stress and hyper vigilance? Living every day walking on eggshells?
The consequences of such pressure lead to increased incidences of depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder, increased risk of cardiovascular disease, premature mortality, as well as suicide. How frightening is that?!
Now I have your attention – Let’s focus on one thing – mental health. Getting a mental health diagnosis can lead to the abusive partner using that to further abuse. Please don’t let that stop anyone from seeking help.
The abusive partner may use it like this:
· “You can’t cope without me”
· “You’re mad”
· “You aren’t capable of looking after the children”
· They may never let you go anywhere alone because they are your “carer” now
· Threatening to tell Social Services and implying that your children will be taken off you
· Withholding medication
· Deliberately “gaslighting” you to deliberately cause confusion
These sly tactics will almost certainly increase anxiety and stress levels. Don’t let that put you off getting treatment. If you are struggling, please get help.
My book, “Be Kind. No Excuses” is a guide to help teenage girls recognise abusive behaviours in intimate relationships. What is surprising is the number of adults I’ve spoken to who don’t see the signs until it was too late. The idea is to educate parents and teenagers, so they realise what it is they are observing in the early stages of a relationship. Reading the book together is ideal.
Under the radar abuse in a new partnership may lead to an increased incidence of mental health problems. Being made to feel unattractive. Being put down constantly. Being let down at the last minute. Jealous and unreasonable outbursts. Pressure to take part in sexual activity. All these things will lead to an erosion in self confidence and self-esteem. These are some of the red-flags we need to keep an eye out for. Is this something you would be mindful of in your teenager? Would you notice?
Has your teenager become more withdrawn? Are they changing how they dress? Drinking more? Do they have mood swings? Have you asked them?
Domestic violence in teen relationships is not uncommon. And things never get better. They always escalate and can result in significant harm. Talk about it. Don’t demand the end of the relationship. Discuss the issues. Seek help from Women’s Aid and other similar organisations.
Put things in place to protect your teenager. Keeping the conversations going and being non-judgemental is a step in the right direction. Don’t try to control them like their new partner is trying to control them. As with most relationships, communication is key.