Let me introduce myself. My name is Rie and I’m here to talk to you about domestic violence.
But first, my background. I am a retired police officer and I’m married with three (almost) grown up children. I was a single mum for many years. I know the difficultly of juggling full time work, getting kids to school, managing a home and everything that comes with being a lone parent.
I spend several years working in Safeguarding and was involved in multi agency projects.
The pandemic has been a catalyst for me to write my book “Be Kind. No Excuses” – a guide to help teenage girls recognise abusive behaviours in intimate relationships. I hope to bring my knowledge and understanding to my readers so they can avoid dangerous situations.
There are some great books out there that talk about surviving an abusive marriage. There are horror stories aplenty about the dreadful things people have endured. But I couldn’t find a book that pre-empted the abuse. Something that would show the warning signs, the “red flags”, that sneak into new relationships without the intended victim realizing it. The insidious, under the radar behaviours that are almost imperceptible to us trusting souls.
I’d mulled it over for a while and then we were hit with lockdown, and my networking business was forced to go 100% online. Suddenly, I was propelled into the all new cyber word of Zoom meetings. “You’re on mute” became the battle cry of the year. But my business expanded because I could be anywhere in the world at the same time as sitting in my office chair.
I’ve even been on the ferry by the Sydney Harbour Bridge and taken on a tour of the “old town” at 6am UK time, courtesy of my eldest child. What would we have done without WhatsApp during these extended restrictions? Cried a lot no doubt!
My network grew and I was introduced to some amazing ladies. By some quirk of fate, some of them told me their stories. Stories of bullying husbands, fake marriages and broken hearts and bones. The stories kept coming and I more frequently thought back to my idea of writing down the signs (there are always signs!) to look out for in a relationship.
I’m honoured to have met these women. Five have written down their experiences and shared them. Many tried, but the process is often too upsetting or too dangerous. I’m hugely grateful to them all.
I’ve taken their truth and analysed it and described how each behaviour is abusive. This will give our children a chance to see the dangers and walk away. My intention is to raise awareness and reduce danger.
Talking about DV openly and challenging it, is a step forward. No more, “What goes on behind closed doors is nobody’s business” because it IS our business. As a community, we need to challenge those who see it their right to be vile to their families. Let’s make it socially unacceptable. Let’s Be Kind. No Excuses.
Be Kind. No Excuses will be available on 16th July. Rie Pearson
