Emotional Abuse What Does It Look Like Part 5

Emotional Abuse. What Does It Look Like…Part 5

The purpose of Be Kind. No Excuses CIC is to prevent abuse starting at the earliest stages of a relationships. Nip it in the bud, as it were. This is why I wrote this article, Emotional Abuse. What Does It Look Like…Part 5.

Why did the Narcissist cross the road?

Because they thought it was a Boundary.

If you’re questioning whether your relationship is abusive, it probably is! Not all abuse is physical (although I’d definitely say emotional abuse etc. causes damage to our nervous system, so it is physical) so please consider emotional abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse too.

Not all abusers are narcissists! The word narcissist is used a lot when describing someone who perpetrates abuse on their partner. Many abusers have narcissistic traits. We, ourselves, can have narcissistic traits too, sometimes.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. There is no known cure.

Abusive people will display some of the behaviours of someone with NPD. However, the abuser has choices. They choose to abuse. They enjoy the abuse!

What we often talk about is how they will twist things to make it look like their victim is in the wrong. It’s important to remember – when someone tells you who they really are, listen!

An abuser will lie. They will deny. They will turn you round in circles so you don’t know what to think or what to do. They will be super loving, then say something that cuts your heart, and then be super loving again. You’ll be left in a permanent state of uncertainty. How can someone be so kind and then be so awful? They are abusing you.

If you challenge their behaviour, they will deny, and they will say hurtful things. If you hear, “I think you need help”, they are beginning to imply you have a problem with your mental health. Be careful! They will tell other people you have a problem too. They will create a “false narrative” about you. Basically, telling anyone and everyone lies about you. They will tell people you’re jealous, hot tempered, mentally unstable. They will push you to the limit, and if you do lash out, they will say, “See. I said she was unstable/hot tempered/jealous” And all the people will only witness your single outburst.

What abusers do is make you feel like you’re on quicksand. Everything is unstable. They will deny whole conversations. They will turn words on you. They will make you feel like you’re losing it!

They will cheat. They need a constant “supply” of victims to feed their need. If you suspect them of cheating, they will say, “You’re imagining things”. When you call them out for being horrible, they will say, “I didn’t say that” or “you misunderstood me”. Listen to what they say, because they are telling you about all the bad things they are doing, but accusing you of being the perpetrator.

Further Help and Advice

Why not read Be Kind. No Excuses, you can access the book directly from the website or you can purchase it from Amazon.

If you are concerned and would like some help or advice, you can look at one of our programs, The ABC Program is available as a face-to-face program or via Zoom.

Alternatively, you can watch the Find Your Voice Workshops here on the website.

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